In this blog post, I will reflect on my 1 year, 10 months, and 7 days of military service, covering training and self-reflection, the social structure and leadership experiences within the barracks, and the emotions I felt while cut off from the outside world.
Military Experience and Self-Reflection
People often say that every man should serve in the military at least once. Those who have completed their service will surely agree that this is a rather simplistic statement. However, I don’t think it’s a statement made without reason. To cut to the chase, I believe my two years in the military were beneficial to me. Of course, starting with the thought, “Honestly, why do I have to do this?”—waking up at 6 a.m. every day to undergo training I didn’t want to do—reminded me daily that the joke about the military being a “chamber of mind and time” wasn’t just empty talk. But as I went through all that training during those days that felt endless, it also became a time when I realized firsthand that the time I’d spent outside—which seemed short and wasted—was actually time that allowed me to accomplish so much. Even now, there are times when I want to slack off and let myself go, but whenever that happens, those experiences pull me back on track. Of course, it could just be that I feel that way because I’m doing something I don’t want to do.
The unit I served in had many combat missions, so we frequently conducted training outdoors. We often had to endure physically harsh conditions, and among those experiences, the 100-kilometer march remains vividly etched in my memory. What makes this march special is that it was an experience unlike anything I had ever encountered in civilian life. Physically, it was an unusual experience, almost like walking in my sleep, and mentally, since I was walking continuously, I found myself thinking a lot on my own unless there was a specific situation. I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back, I realized that the experience of being “semi-forced” to freely imagine and think about various topics for over a day is also quite rare. Most of my thoughts were about myself. While the original purpose of the march may have been something else, for me, it was a “march of truth” through which I came to know myself.
The Social Structure of the Barracks and Leadership Experience
Another reason this march held special meaning for me was that it was a prime example of a simple yet grand goal. The bigger the goal, the easier it is to give up halfway. However, the reason I was able to pull this off was, first, my confidence that I was no worse than anyone else. Seeing that everyone else had done it, I felt there was no reason I couldn’t. Second, it was because I did it alongside my fellow soldiers. Of course, I really didn’t want to do it, and it was tough while I was doing it, but once I finished, I felt a sense of pride. I believe that through this experience, I found the answer to how I should go about achieving the big goals I need to accomplish in the future.
If physical training provided a personal spiritual experience, the small daily routines within the barracks offered a social experience by revealing a cross-section of a microcosm of society. In the military, a strictly hierarchical society, I was able to experience all ranks, allowing me to traverse the entire spectrum of the organization—from the bottom to the top—in a short period of time. Sometimes, when things went wrong, the blame fell on me; conversely, at other times, the community moved according to my lead. Through that process, I vaguely sensed that the position one occupies among group members can completely reshape who they are. I, too, exhibited similar behaviors while occupying various positions, and I learned a great deal about how to think and act to be a good person to others—whether as a superior or a subordinate within a group.
Of the various positions mentioned above, the one that stands out most in my memory is when I served as a squad leader.
A squad leader is a leader responsible for 5 to 7 squad members; they must listen to and resolve the members’ concerns, and at times, draw clear boundaries and guide the group forward. At first glance, it doesn’t seem like a large group, and leading subordinates might appear easy, but since everyone’s abilities aren’t equal, there are members who fall behind and become targets of ridicule and mockery from the others. My time as squad leader was no exception. That child gradually lost his spirit due to constant bullying and neglect, and his distrust of the squad members deepened. His status within the unit had plummeted, causing him to lose confidence and perform below his actual ability.
I felt frustrated too, but as squad leader, I couldn’t let that show. As is the case in any group, a leader’s attitude determines the attitude of the team members. So, I sought understanding from the other members and made an effort to boost that person’s confidence. I praised them whenever there was progress, even if it was slow or imperfect, and encouraged them not to fear criticism. As a result, although they didn’t fully recover, they were able to become a member who kept up well with the others. Going through this process, I had no choice but to revise my previous conception of leadership. The true leadership I learned was not about an outstanding leader setting high standards and training people with a mix of rewards and punishments. Rather, it was about pushing the members who were lagging behind from the rear and creating a squad where, even if someone fell a little short, the other members were willing to make sacrifices to move forward together. I realized that leading others is difficult, but I also gained the confidence that if such a responsibility were given to me again, I could do a better job.
Isolation from the Outside World, Relationships, and Conclusion
Military life did not have only positive effects, as described above. The feelings that remain most vivid and are still intense are those stemming from the military’s isolation from society. What frustrated me the most was the lack of communication with the outside world. Although my fellow soldiers were fun and friendly, I always felt anxious that I would fall behind because access to information about the outside world was so limited.
To alleviate this anxiety, I put in a considerable amount of effort to improve myself, such as studying English and working out diligently. I once took a leave of absence from the military to take the TEPS exam; after the test, I went to the movies and played video games alone while still wearing my uniform before returning to base. Once I actually got out and interacted with other adult men who had walked a similar path, my anxiety diminished significantly, though it still lingers. It occurred to me that this anxiety might actually serve as the foundation for students returning to school to live more fulfilling and socially desirable lives.
Another source of stress is building relationships with those around me. In society, people tend to interact within groups that share common ground and goals, but the military brings together people with a wide variety of values. So while it’s sometimes easy to become close with others, it can also be difficult. I remember having just one such difficult senior whom I struggled to get close to. While it’s still hard for me to get along with everyone, I’ve at least come to realize how well the people around me get along with and understand me, and I’ve come to cherish the friends I’ve made even more.
In conclusion, looking back on my military service, I went through things I had never experienced before and likely won’t easily experience again, so it was definitely worth going through “at least once.” Of course, I was made to do a lot of things I didn’t want to do (and for just 200 won an hour!), but through these experiences, I realized just how much effort it takes to live as a “responsible member of society.” It’s hard to generalize, but people are creatures who only truly learn through personal experience, and I am no exception. Contrary to my vague assumptions, experience provided a much clearer message. Based on what I’ve learned through this experience, I will strive to live faithfully and work hard at school. I don’t know what I would have thought if I had lived a different life—such as going straight to graduate school without serving in the military—but at least in the military, I gained a wealth of thoughts and experiences by pondering, regretting, and yearning for things I would never have even considered outside of it. Now, having moved past those worries, I live each day joyfully and with satisfaction.
I believe that the two years of military service were worth it simply because they helped me realize how I should live and how much satisfaction I should seek in life. Of course, I wouldn’t want to go back a second time.
