In this blog post, we’ll explore whether the phrase “That’s okay”—commonly heard and used in college life—can go beyond being a mere verbal habit to take on addictive qualities, as well as its mechanisms, effects, and ways to cope with it.
Introduction
“That happens.” This is probably the phrase I’ve heard most often since starting college. Strangely enough, I started hearing it a lot from those around me after beginning my college life, and the more I heard it, the more the phrase itself began to feel unfamiliar. “I woke up at 2 p.m. and missed my class.” “That happens.” ” “I have an exam today, but I only found out the exam scope at a drinking party yesterday.” “That happens.” At first, I thought it was just a phrase frequently heard in pre-med, where grades don’t matter. But then I began to notice this phenomenon among friends in other departments, and even friends at other schools, and before I knew it, I found myself saying it all the time too. We are becoming addicted to the phrase “That happens.”
Definition and Mechanism of Addiction
Addiction is the habitual use of a substance or behavior to regulate one’s mood, even when that substance or behavior repeatedly causes serious problems. If the problem involves a substance, it is substance addiction; if it involves a behavior, it is behavioral addiction. This article will focus solely on behavioral addiction.
When a certain behavior brings pleasure, the desire to repeat that behavior is strengthened. This is called motivational reinforcement, which occurs through reward-related learning in the brain’s limbic system dopamine system. In other words, if one experiences pleasure through a specific behavior, they continue to repeat it, and as a result, the neural circuits associated with the dopamine system are reinforced, leading to addiction. According to one study, addiction is also defined as continuing to use a substance or repeating a specific behavior despite harmful consequences. If one is “addicted” to the phrase “It’s okay,” it implies that both the happiness and the harm derived from it must coexist.
The Influence of Interpersonal Relationships and Self-Reflection
It has been observed that the usage of “That’s okay” differs slightly depending on whether it is directed at others or oneself. Since the happiness and harm derived from each case differ, it is necessary to consider them separately.
First, in what situations do we say “That’s okay” to others? It is usually when the other person has made a mistake, big or small. If used appropriately to offer comfort in such cases, there is absolutely no problem. It can serve as a warm remark, implying that anyone could make such a mistake or that the matter is no big deal, so there’s no need to worry. However, the problem arises when people come to accept that “That’s possible” applies to any situation.
For example, it can be applied to an endless range of situations, such as “I’m still hungry no matter how much I eat,” “I’ve fallen for someone,” or “My knees have been hurting lately.” Since it’s a response that’s generally acceptable unless it’s blatantly rude, it often slips out unconsciously when you haven’t given much thought to the other person’s situation or can’t think of anything else to say. It’s fine if you have a valid reason for using this phrase and make an effort to explain it further, but if you try to convey everything with just that one phrase, it will have the side effect of making the conversation feel shallow.
Saying you’re hungry or in pain is an effort to start a conversation, and confessing that you’ve fallen for someone might be a product of courage—an attempt to reveal your true feelings and take the relationship a step further. Applying the overly generic response “That’s possible” to such statements clearly reduces the other person’s effort and courage to something superficial and perfunctory.
Next, there are times when we say “That could happen” to ourselves. If we repeat this to ourselves after a failure or when facing a situation that could easily lead to frustration—meaning “These things happen, so let’s not despair”—it can become an opportunity for self-improvement.
However, if we consistently apply this to avoidable mistakes and laziness, we may gain immediate comfort, but our sense of guilt over those mistakes will inevitably dull. As the proverb goes, “He who steals a needle will steal an ox”; if we initially dismiss small mistakes with “That could happen,” but allow them to gradually cross the line, there is a risk that we will apply the same attitude to even greater wrongdoings.
Some might interpret this as “coolness” or “not being tied to the past.” But regardless of how it’s used, it is clearly, at its core, an act of “sweeping things under the rug.” If you become addicted to casually sweeping others’ mistakes and your own wrongdoings under the rug simply because it feels comfortable and comforting, everything will eventually be buried to the point where it becomes impossible to reflect on your relationships or yourself.
Others might question whether this phenomenon can truly be called an addiction. Certainly, when compared to substance addictions like alcohol, nicotine, or drugs, this phenomenon might feel like a trivial verbal habit. However, there are cases where seemingly minor behaviors—such as the habit of constantly pulling at one’s hair when feeling tense or stressed—have been classified as addictions. Based on this, we can see that it is ambiguous to determine what exactly qualifies as an addiction. Even if something seems trivial, if it meets certain conditions, it can certainly be called an addiction.
“Addiction” can also be defined as a condition characterized by withdrawal symptoms and social impairment. For someone who constantly says “That’s possible,” trying to stop doing so is clearly difficult, and this can be categorized as a withdrawal symptom. We must then consider whether social impairment occurs; if the constant use of “That’s possible” leads those around them to feel that the conversation has become shallow, this clearly constitutes social impairment. Even if this phenomenon seems trivial, I believe it can fall under the category of addiction, and if that is the case, I expect people’s perceptions will change.
Instead of telling the other person “That’s possible,” let’s continue the conversation by explaining specifically why you think that way. Also, let’s occasionally take time for self-reflection by advising ourselves, “That’s not possible.” The moment you break free from the addiction to “that’s possible,” you might find yourself facing a slightly improved quality of life.
