In this blog post, we’ll examine how self-blame, self-pity, and sympathy for others—major causes of depression—impact mental health, and explore ways to overcome them.
Depression refers to a condition in which feelings of sadness or lethargy persist for more than two weeks, interfering with daily life. Depression is classified into major depression and mild depression based on the severity of symptoms. Even if feelings of sadness are present, if the symptoms are not severe enough to be considered a disease or if they resolve within two weeks, it is referred to as subclinical depression. Depression is a very common condition in Korea, with 72.3% of the population experiencing subclinical depression within a year. However, even subclinical depression carries a high risk of progressing into clinical depression if left untreated simply because the symptoms are mild and common. Since treating major depression requires taking antidepressants for several months, it is crucial to overcome depression in its early stages. In this article, we will introduce methods for overcoming mild depression proposed by clinical psychology expert Paul A. Hauck.
Paul A. Hauck explains the causes of psychological depression in three main categories. The first is self-blame, the second is self-pity, and the third is pity for others. Let’s explore how each of these causes leads people into depression and how to overcome these thoughts.
First, let’s look at self-blame. Self-blame—viewing oneself as worthless or a bad person—makes people depressed. If self-blame persists, feelings of depression persist, and eventually, one develops clinical depression. Since this self-blame is harmful to mental health, it must be avoided. So, how can we shake off self-blame? Self-blame primarily stems from guilt. When we commit a mistake, we feel guilty and come to view ourselves as bad people. It’s easy to think that guilt will motivate you to avoid repeating the same mistake, and you might mistakenly believe that tormenting yourself is a way to atone for your sins. However, this is a misconception. Excessive guilt leads to self-blame and can actually cause you to fall into a state of despair, leading you to repeat your mistakes. Furthermore, the idea that guilt can atone for your sins is a very self-centered way of thinking. The victim will likely want a sincere apology or compensation more than they want to see you suffering from guilt. When you’ve done something wrong, don’t get bogged down in guilt; instead, sincerely apologize to the victim, accept your mistake, and seek forgiveness. Analyzing the mistake afterward and making an effort to prevent it from happening again will yield far better results than wallowing in guilt.
Next is self-pity. Self-pity is the emotion of feeling sorry for oneself or being dissatisfied with oneself. Situations where one feels self-pity can be divided into two categories. The first is when something unfortunate happens. When something unfortunate occurs, one views oneself as an unfortunate person and falls into a state of depression. In this state, one cannot think of positive things and focuses only on the misfortune, making it easy to develop depression. To overcome this, one must accept the fact that misfortune is inevitable in life. When something unfortunate happens, it is important to focus on how to overcome it rather than feeling sorry for oneself. The second type occurs when one prioritizes others excessively and fears rejection. Believing oneself to be inferior to others, one fails to express one’s own emotions and cannot refuse others’ requests. In such situations, people may feel depressed because they cannot vent their pent-up frustrations toward others. To break free from self-pity, one must value their own emotions just as much as those of others.
Finally, empathy involves grieving others’ misfortunes as if they were one’s own. Excessive empathy—overly identifying with others’ misfortunes—can also trigger depression.
In fact, there is a case of a social worker who developed depression after overly identifying with the suffering of the unfortunate people they encountered at work, and an elderly gentleman who suffered from depression after feeling excessive sympathy for a friend’s unfair experiences. Such empathy for others not only fails to provide practical help to those in misfortune but is also harmful to one’s own mental health. If you want to help others, it is better to offer practical assistance or words of comfort rather than unconditional sympathy.
We have examined the three causes of depression proposed by Paul A. Hauck and their solutions. However, I believe that all three of these causes stem from a single underlying cause. The common thread is the inability to let go of a sad and unhappy past and the constant ruminating on it. They cannot forget their own mistakes, recall their unhappy past, and dwell on the misfortunes of those close to them. Everyone experiences both happy and unhappy events in life. However, if one dwells only on depressing and unhappy memories and dismisses happy moments as fleeting, depression is inevitable. If the thought that you are an unhappy person won’t leave you and you are plagued by depression, focus on the future ahead rather than the past you cannot change. Even if you’ve been stuck in depression for a long time and haven’t been able to do anything, and even if you experience failure and frustration at first, if you keep trying, you’ll eventually achieve satisfying results. These results will help you distance yourself from past unhappiness. Let’s live thinking about the future rather than the past. If you do that, you’ll face depression less often.
